It’s no secret that divorce has a major impact on any children involved. Their world as they know it has been flipped upside down, and they have a lot of changes to acclimate to. For one, they learn to live separately with each parent as the parents are no longer together under the same roof. They often have to adjust to traveling between two homes, and learn that the second place is also “home.” This adjustment will come easier for some children than others.
All of this can take a toll on a child of any age, whether a toddler, young child, pre-teen, or teenager. Countless studies have shown that children thrive on routine, and when even the tiniest thing disrupts it, let alone divorce, it can throw off their behavior, academic performance, and sleep. These changes in routine and lifestyle change may also lead to tension among you and your children.
Luckily, there are ways to keep your relationship with your children strong and some ways to show that you care and are there for them. Continue reading to learn how to ease tension with your children during a divorce so everyone can adjust a little easier.
Understand Big Feelings are Normal
Before you wonder if your child’s outbursts, anger, sadness, and blankness are normal, understand that they are. These big feelings they’re having regardless of age are a result of learning how to cope with the changes. All they knew before you announced divorce was their parents together, living under the same roof and sharing a life. Understandably, they would have such big emotions during this lifestyle change.
Still need some convincing that their big feelings are normal and want to know you’re not alone? According to research from World Psychiatry and the National Library of Medicine, research has shown that children whose parents are going through a divorce are at an increased risk for behavior problems, academic struggles, depressive and anxious moods, and even disruptive behavior.
Take Care of Yourself
You’ve heard the expression and parental advice that you can’t fill anyone else’s cup if yours is empty, and it couldn’t be more accurate. Raising children is the most beautiful, rewarding, yet challenging thing in any adult’s life. Add in a divorce, and you’ve got a lot on your plate that’s probably making you feel emotionally and physically depleted. There also isn’t much time for ourselves as parents as we raise our children, so finding time to care for ourselves can be difficult. However, it is extremely important.
Caring for yourself, even if it’s some much-needed quiet alone time on a solo coffee date, a workout class, a massage, a night out with friends, or simply a nap, you must care for yourself. Taking care of yourself is a great way to ease tension with your children during a divorce because it allows you to take a step back from the chaos of everyday life and your divorce case, allowing you to relax and destress. In return, it’ll put you in a more relaxed state so you can feel less stressed. Your children will pick up on your more relaxed demeanor.
Listen to Them
Excellent communication with our children is a goal for every parent, especially as they go through hardships in life. Their parents’ divorce is a hardship, so keep open communication throughout the divorce process, but balance that with age and content appropriate communications. Whether you need to schedule time every week to check in with them and have an honest discussion about their concerns and feelings or feel like you can casually bring it up in conversation, listen to them without distractions to hear what they need to say.
Other great ideas for having open discussions with your children can include dinners at the table multiple times per week, one-on-one dates with each child individually, an ice cream date with all the kids, and even a discussion with your children and your ex to answer any questions they may have throughout the process and to help reassure them of your love for them.
Be Consistent
Creating consistency during your divorce is just as important as maintaining it post-divorce. Divorce often leads to a disruption in your children’s routine and everyday life, so be sure to keep it consistent as you navigate divorce. With changes like adjusting to a parent moving out, going back and forth between both homes, new school pick-ups, and drop-offs, and so much more, it’s easy for them to feel thrown off.
Of course, you can’t be consistent across the board if your ex isn’t maintaining your child’s routine when the children are with them. Try to get on the same page with your ex about your children’s routine, regardless of any harsh feelings each of you may have. Keep the same wake-up, bedtime, school drop-off and pick-up, extracurricular activities, and any other schedules and routines they have the same whether they’re with you or your ex. Being consistent in their daily routine will help them feel a sense of normalcy.
Get Professional Help
There’s no shame in seeking professional help as you navigate divorce. If at any time during the divorce process you feel like your children are struggling, you’re having a hard time, or you and your ex aren’t effectively communicating, get professional help. There are plenty of resources, family counselors, psychologists, and therapists that can help ease the tension with your children during a divorce. Check your insurance and feel free to do a Google search and choose a professional. Your divorce attorney can provide options as well.
Feelings run high during a divorce, and the tension can seem unbearable with your children. Following the tips above will help improve your relationships, help your children feel safe and loved, and adapt easier throughout the divorce process.
If you’re currently going through a divorce or need help with a modification action or child custody, the Law Office of Young, Kuhl & Frick, LLC can help. We’re dedicated to the practice of family law and can help guide you through the entire process. Our office is in Lee’s Summit, Missouri. In addition to our physical location, our firm’s family and divorce attorneys have practiced in Jackson, Clay, Cass, Lafayette, and Platte County, Missouri. Contact our family law firm today to schedule a consultation – we can meet in person or via Zoom.
With over fifty-three years of combined legal experience, our family law firm is comprised of a team skilled in negotiation and litigation, handling family law matters from the most complex to the most straightforward. Our zealous attorneys will handle your case with expert knowledge and professionalism.